On my dark days... I don't give a sh*t about finding my "Happy Place."
It's cold and raining on the East Coast... again.
Anyone who lives here can tell you, It feels like it's been cold and raining since last September, and quite frankly, I for one, am sick of it. I love my home, and I express that love frequently in my gratitude journal... but today, I'm not feeling very gratitude-y. In fact, I'm feeling pretty sh*tty. According to the attitude police, I should turn that frown upside down and get my happy on! But I don't want to (insert whiny voice here).
The story behind my crapfest is based on the fact that this wonderful house that I love and am thankful for -- most of the time -- has been flooded three times since we moved in, so torrential rain and flash flood warnings tend to put me a bit on edge.
Like a good Earth child, I am thankful for the rain and the job it does... and I suppose if I lived in drought plagued Los Angeles, I'd be a bit more excited for the hydration... but right now, here in cold, gray soggy PA, I am NOT! So instead of saying 10 things I'm thankful for about Mother Nature, and then settling my brain for a peaceful slumber... I laid in my bed wide-eyed and panicked all night long wondering if the sweet little babbling brook behind my house had crested its walls and the water had reached my doorsteps yet.
My autistic son doesn't fare well with the torturous sounds of rising water either, so we were just a ray of frickin' sunshine over breakfast this morning. Thankfully, I had coffee and he had chocolate milk, so we survived. But we were certainly NOT happy!
Today is what I call one of my "dark days." Those evil PMS laden sh*t shows when everything that can go wrong, does and even those things I thought couldn't possibly go wrong, do... on purpose... to mock me.
Because I'm a coach, all my friends and Facebook feeds are telling me to "Look for the bright side!" "Choose Joy" and "Find your Happy Place!" but here's the deal: I don't WANT to be happy right now. In fact, I'd rather "Embrace the suckiness."
I want to be crabby.
I want to vent about stuff! I want to give my cat the silent treatment and have arguments with myself out loud while listening to Pink and other angry female musicians... It makes me feel better. I mean, come on! My dogs tracked 12 feet of mud through my house! I'm not simply "happy they're healthy." I'm pissed that I have to clean up after them... again! Actually, I have to clean up after every single "foot having" thing that walks through the door, because (I'm just guessing here) apparently, they have lost their ability to hold a MOP!
Then there's the fact that there's nothing but stupidity on the Internet, my coffee is cold, my tulips are dead, I'm out of liquid creamer, my kids ate the last of the Cadbury cream eggs, I'm too tired to exercise and it's too early to start drinkin! I'm sure there's more if I really think about it, and once I notice it, I'm perfectly happy to take some time to complain about that too! But ya know what?
It's all good. Because here's the real secret: I don't feel like this everyday.
Tomorrow is a new day, and hopefully it will be a warmer, sunnier, less swamp-like day than this one. Perhaps tomorrow I will "look for the silver lining" or "commit to hug 25 people I don't know to refill my pitcher."
But today, I'm not willing to do any of that. Today, I am allowing myself to feel into my <em>blech. </em>To tantrum about the things I cannot change (or choose not too) and call this day a "D-" on the happiness grade scale. My thought is this: If I never appreciate the sh*tty days, how can I be authentically grateful for the amazing ones?
And honestly, my inner b*tch needs some "me time" too.
So, Crappy Diem! Parent Nation. You deserve it. Your happy place will thank you.
Now, I wonder if it's still to early for that drink?